"Every great dream begins with a dreamer" ♥

College Story #9: "Connotations"
 
10/26/12
 
October 26th. It had been basically a month since I met him; the thought occurred to me as we drove past Kevin Tate's house late that Friday evening.
 
"It looks reaallly dead there," Kuru squinted out the window of Bri's car, "That's highly unusual for Kevin's." He was right. It looked desolate, just as Xavier had told me it was approximately a moment earlier. He had been texting me since 8:30 that night, keeping me updated on his location, and I had been doing the same.
 
"Ughh, there are absolutely zero parking spaces," Bri whined as my friend Andrew drove up and down the streets nearby.
 
Text from Xavier: my friends know of other parties. come here and then maybe we can meet up with them
 
I found myself smiling as I interpreted the text, happy that he was clearly waiting for me even though his friends had already bailed.
 
Bubbles the Powerpuff girl (Bri) and the Professor (Andrew) continued to search for a parking space, while Mojo Jojo (Kuru), the Joker (Kuru's friend), and I sighed in the backseat. I found my feet tapping up and down as I urgently awaited our arrival at the Halloween party. Anxiousness and excitement consumed me as I anticipated seeing Xavier for the first time since earlier that week when we had a study date at the library.
 
"I can't believe Kevin's would be that dead," Bri commented.
 
"Yeah, I have a friend who said it's pretty desolate there," I mentioned, my eyes wandering out the window, desperate to find empty asphalt.
 
"Who do you know there?" Bri asked curiously after a few moments.
 
I froze. What should I call him? He's wasn't my boyfriend...but he was certainly not my friend. Here I was encountering the same issue that occured earlier that day when I had mentioned something Xavier said to a friend of mine. I had no idea what was appropriate to refer to him as.
 
"Um, his name's Xavier ..."
 
Bri shrugged, "Sounds familiar. I feel like I might know who that is."
 
I snickered to myself, of course she would say that. Bri was a girl who had lived on my dorm floor last year...oh, and just so happened to be my friend Andrew's annoying girlfriend.
 
Finally, we found an empty parking space and we all tumbled out of the car, heading towards Kevin Tate's street. Along the way we ran into the others from our cluster of "friends," including my roommate Anna from last year (Blossom), Bri's bestie Brie (Buttercup), and Tyler Willis (gay superman...).
 
We bounded up the back stairs to the house, instantly embraced by more familiar faces that included Morrill Tower residents from last year and various others I had met through mutual friends and acquaintances.
 
I wandered through the very light crowd of people that absorbed the kitchen and made my way into the dimly lit living room where people were dancing to the rambunctious beat of Nicki Minaj's "Starships."
 
There he was. Standing by the side of the wall, phone and liter coke bottle in hand, dressed in his Italian Guido costume which consisted of a white sweatsuit, white loafers, a gold chain, a white sweatband, and black shades. His brown hair was spiked to perfection.
 
I approached him and suddenly he looked up, his eyes elevated to mine.
 
"Heyyyy," his face broke into a wide grin as he reached out for a hug.
 
We embraced for a few moments, and then we broke apart, his blue eyes now scanning me up and down. "You look great. I like it."
 
I smiled as I gazed down at my costume, admiring my ability to wrap my zebra-print bedsheet around me toga style. Thank you youtube/being a fashion major. My outfit was complete with a white long-sleeve tee, black leggings, my favorite black Converse, and black eyeliner stripes on my rosy cheeks.
 
We chatted briefly as much as we could above the booming music, and he departed here and there to go talk to some others in the crowd. I did the same and found myself meeting Tyler Willis' two British roommates who insisted on calling me a "zeee-bra."
 
Before long, Xavier was back at my side, "I think I'm going to head out. Do you want to stay here with your friends or you can come with me if you want?"
 
I quickly glanced over to where Andrew and Bri were standing. Poor Andrew. He looked bored beyond belief. He doesn't drink and actually really doesn't enjoy parties. He only ever goes for Bri.

I didn't take one second to hesitate with my response, "No, I'll come with you."
 
Xavier's face lit up as my words seeped in. "Okay, just let me go say good-bye to some people and then we'll leave and find my friends."
 
I nodded and wandered back to the kitchen where I proceeded to be complimented on my costume by several different party-goers that I did not know. I smiled to myself. WIN.
 
After a few minutes, Xavier reappeared and we left Kevin Tate's, our hands falling into one another's as we bounded down the steps.
 
"Alyssa! Hey, Alyssa!" A group of boys in masks surged past us on the street, their heads tilted in our direction.
 
"Hey?!" I shouted back, unsure of who they were and how they knew me. I proceeded to giggle, explaining to Xavier that I had no idea who they were.
 
We continued to wander down the Columbus city streets, walking hand-in-hand even though Xavier struggled to hold his liter bottle of hard apple cider along with his cell phone on which he attempted to get a hold of his drunken friends.
 
After quite a flurry of texts and phone calls all which resulted in his friends being too drunk to communicate the addresses they were at, Xavier began leading us in the direction in which he assumed was best to go.
 
It was raining and we avoided puddles of dirty water as best as we could, but I was still drowning in the swarms of rainwater and puddle streams.
 
Before long, Xavier shrugged off his guido jacket and handed it to me, insisting that I wear it. I felt bad, him being only in a wife beater now, but I took it anyways grateful for his generosity.
 
"If I wasn't with you right now and I was sober, like I am, I would be pissed. Especially at my friends. I'm actually kinda pissed anyways because this is annoying for you," Xavier said as he probably began to sense my distress at being swept up by the wind and rain. Little did he know that just holding his hand and having him by my side was enough to keep me satisfied.
 
"I promise that I will make you laugh and smile by the end of the night," he chuckled as I pulled up my zebra-print sheet as it began to fall apart. Little did he know, he already had.
 
Finally, after wandering around what seemed like the entire off-campus area, we stopped at a party on Iuca. The house looked vaguely familiar and I couldn't help but wonder if it was the same house I'd been to for a party last year with my friends.
 
We walked up the path and I instantly gawked. Holy crap. It was literally like a scene directly from National Lampoon's Animal House. People filled the entire place, bodies pressed together as if they were at a concert, squeezing to get to the stage.
 
Xavier and I weaved through the crowd, attempting not to get trampled, and searching for familiar faces.
When we finally made it out a back door and into the back yard, Xavier sighed, admitting that he had no clue where his friends had ventured off too.
 
The sky was still crying, and I found myself shivering as the cold October air stung my cheeks. Xavier pulled me close and wrapped his arms around me, and I instantly felt warmer.
 
Eventually we made our way back through the "Animal house" and I discovered a side door ahead. I stepped through the entryway only to come face to face with TJ, a guy from my dorm floor who was as obnoxious, drunk or not. "Well look who it is!" TJ chuckled, and then proceeded to gesture towards two guys standing next to him. Sure enough, it was two other freshman boys from our floor, the guy they call "Lil Bags" and Yale, the guy who ironically is from the same hometown as me.
 
"Nice costume," Yale smiled, showing off his flawless teeth while his eyes scanned my costume. "Thanks," I smirked, amused by his onesie pajamas and Lil Bags' Cat in the Hat attire. We chatted for a brief moment longer and then I quickly said good-bye, eager to depart from the freshman fleet.
 
"Again, Miss Popular!" Xavier teased, gently nudging me as we walked back down the street. Our hands were intertwined once again as he lead me down the path, scooting around puddles and mud, just as he had before.
 
We walked for maybe 10 minutes longer before he stopped and turned to me, "Well this was a bust. I'm sorry..."
 
"No, no. It was entertaining to say the least," I laughed, forcing the most genuine smile I could. I honestly felt bad that he felt bad.
 
"Well, we can go back to Morrill, or we can go back to my place. It's up to you," Xavier's blue eyes gazed into my own, "I know that may have certain connotations...but it doesn't have to have those connotations."
 
The words, though they should have been soothing, instead jolted my stomach forward as I processed the possibilities the night could hold. As much as I wanted to go back to his apartment, and cuddle up on his couch together, part of me wondered if it was actually a bad idea. I didn't want to put myself in a position where I felt uncomfortable or uneasy. And even though he made mention of the fact that certain things didn't have to happen, I knew full well that more intimate moments were bound to happen if we did. Not that I entirely minded.
 
I literally stood motionless for a few moments while processing my internal thoughts, gazing down the road and into the bright light of the street lamps. Silence succumbed us despite the belligerent, drunken shouts in the distance. All I could hear was my few short breaths, and the beating inside my chest as I continued to contemplate. Finally, I knew the answer.
 
"Uh, we can go to your place. Ya know, since that's closer and everything," I let out a long exhale as I released the words from my lips. It was taking everything in me to step outside my comfort zone and let him lead the way to Norwich Avenue.
 
Once we arrived, I was soaking wet and Xavier offered a pair of comfy sweats and a tee shirt which I gladly accepted. I turned, my backing facing him as I stripped down to my white skin tight shirt and leggings and slipped his clothing over mine. Then he led me to the living room where we curled up on the couch with a blanket, beginning to watch a stupid Halloween movie with terrible special effects. We simply talked and laughed at the movie, enjoying each other's company.
 
The night was no longer young, and both of us began to drift in and out of sleep as we huddled together on the couch.
 
"Well you're obviously sleeping in my bed," Xavier started, "And as for me, I'll do whatever you want me to do. I can sleep out here on the futon, on the floor, or I can even go across the street to Mason's."
 
Again, I was faced with a question in which I knew no answer to. Inhibited by sleepiness and my inability to make rational decisions, I never really replied, instead making my way off the couch and following Xavier down the hall and into his bedroom.
I wearily made my way to the bed that he pointed to in the corner of his shared bedroom (his roommate was gone for the weekend), and laid down.
 
"Do you mind if I join you?" Xavier's tone was soft and peaceful as he eyed the bed, and searched my eyes for a distinct answer.
 
I nodded my head yes, thinking, "what the heck, I trust him."
 
Before long we were snuggled up in the sheets of his bed, my eyes gradually shutting as I let sleep succumb me.
 
HA! Whata joke. It took much longer than that to fall asleep thanks to my sudden awareness of where I was. But with Xavier's arm wrapped around my waist and his face huddled close to my neck, I embraced a feeling of peacefulness that reassured me that I was exactly where I should be.

College Story #8: "One More Night"
 
11/2/12
 
"Why do you look so lonely?" A guy in Under Armor sandals, jeans, and a black blazer searched my face for an answer.
I stopped texting on my iPhoneand rocked back and forth on the heels of my favorite black converse. I recognized the guy as Xavier's 5th roommate, the only one I had not officially met yet.
"Kyle, right?" I smiled, avoiding the question while beginning to tell him how I knew who he was.
"So you're with Xavier? Where is he? Go find him!" Kyle took a swig of beer and gazed around the apartment.
My own green eyes searched the party scene for the familiar face. Finally I spotted him in a crowded corner, pouring apple cider shots and chatting with a few girls.
"He's busy being host," I replied glumly, trying to hide my disappointment.
This party had been a total bust thus far. I was beginning to think I should have never come to begin with. I knew as soon as Xavier told me about the Halloween bash he and his roommates were throwing that it would likely be an evening that he couldn't quite cling to me for. I knew he would most likely not be able to give me the time of day. And I knew I probably should have just bailed when all of my friends bailed on me to come. Even Valerie who was supposed to be my trusty sidekick.
Instead, I'd come with my friend Nicole and her boyfriend Paul who had stayed for a while, playing Boom and beer pong but after about an hour, decided to head out. I should have left then, but for some reason I couldn't pull myself away.
I almost instantly regretted my decision to stay. As here I was, standing against the wall, my phone out like a protective sword, a mechanism to fight off the immediate assumption that I was a total loser. Unfortunately the sword wasn't as sharp as I assumed; clearly Kyle recognized the pathetic case he had before him.
We chatted for a few moments more before Kyle departed to talk to more guests and I began to stare back down at my phone which was blowing up from text after text from Valerie asking for updates.
To Valerie Henault: I probably never should have come.
From Valerie Henault: Shut up. You're a hawt sexy biker chick from the 80s with a coke bottle figure. Oheyy
To Valerie Henault: Lol, I love you!
I smiled to myself as I read our most recent text exchange. I almost shed a tear from a combination of frustration and delight in the fact that I had a friend who could always make me laugh.
When I looked back up from my phone I caught two girls staring at me from down the hall. The one was one of Xavier's roommates' girlfriend and the other was a girl of whom I saw lingering around Xavier especially after she first arrived.
Holy shiz, I thought. Why are they watching me? Are they speculating about who I am and what Xavier has to do with me? At this point, Xavier and I had obviously crossed paths at the party. He would come and trade my aviators with his guido glasses and back to check in. But his visits had become less and less frequent which was why I was currently being the fly on the wall.
"Oh my God, I think I met you last weekend!" A girl dressed as a grecian goddess whom I immediately recognized approached me with a drunken grin. I smiled, "Yeah, Lauren right?"
I'm pretty good with names compared to most.
"Right! Look, I'm so sorry! I didn't know you were like with Xavier and everything! I like felt really bad when I hugged him and I don't want you to be mad at me because I'm not trying to get with Xavier. So like, I'm so sorry, I don't want you to be mad at me!" Lauren rambled the words while touching me ever so slightly on my arm. I couldn't help but smirk to myself. "Oh you're fine! I'm not like that. Don't worry about it!" Was all I could say as I glanced around the kitchen for Xavier's face.
Finally, I caught him standing near the entry door talking to his best friend Brian who was dressed as the Brawny towel man. As soon as I spotted them, Xavier looked up and we instantly made eye contact. I glanced back down at my phone and my heart started to race as he quickly appeared beside me. He stuck his hand out and began tapping my phone teasingly. He reached around my waist and squeezed, to which I responded nonchalantly. I was still pretty peeved that he had left me alone for so long.
"So this is my friend, Dan. We've been friends since elementary," suddenly a tall, lanky guy was before us dressed in jeans, a plain white tee with the words "Pizza Boy" written in black permanent marker, a Browns cap, and nerd glasses.
It was then that I began to have a conversation with Dan, the best friend since elementary, as Xavier excused himself once again to go say goodbye to someone, or photobomb, or help his friend Sammi find her boyfriend.
"What are you exactly?" Dan probed, once I had already laughed at his "nerdy pizza boy" costume.
"A biker chick/80's persona/bad ass," I chuckled, laughing at my own expense. I knew it was a far cry from my ingenius zebra costume from the previous weekend.
Suddenly a guy in a banana suit walked by and Dan said, "Hey, what do you think she is?" Banana boy smiled, "Yeah, that's not a costume. What are you--an attractive girl? Wow, I'm pretty sure that's not a costume." Dan shrugged his shoulders in agreeance as I smirked.
Dan and I continued our conversation, mainly containing Dan teasing me about my costume, the fact that I didn't drink, and other countless topics. At one point, he said, "So you're with Xavier?" The question caught me off guard and I responded with a shy, "I guess."
"Well where do you want this to go, where are you at with the whole thing?" Was Dan's next questions to which I felt completely bombarded. "Whoa,"I countered, "I just met you and you're getting a little personal on me," I laughed for good measure although I was being serious when I insinuated my extreme discomfort on the subject. We quickly changed topics and talking with Dan actually kept me preoccupied for a while and took my mind off the failure of the evening thus far.
As the night grew older and the party began to die down, Xavier made his way over to me more and more often, even pecking me on the forehead and wrapping his arms around me at one point. Finally, when there were only a cluster of people left---mostly consisting of Xavier's roommates, the drunkest of the drunk, and close friends, I had Xavier all to myself.
Someone changed the iPod attached to the iHome in the room to "All of the Lights" and Xavier's roommate Mike began jamming in his Ace Ventura costume with other roommate Andrew who appeared in his hulk costume.
"How intoxicated are you?" I asked in one way or another, as Xavier stood within kissable distance to me. His eyes were worn and red, a clear sign that he'd had a bit to drink.
"Not even that bad, actually." Xavier is the type of drunk who you really can't tell unless you look into those blue eyes. I also haven't seen him all that drunk, so this night was definitely the most obviously intoxicated I'd ever seen him.
"Are you still okay with this; intoxicated Xavier?"
I laughed and hardly uttered a word just ignoring the topic but nodding my head suggesting my "okay."
Before long, Xavier was reaching for my phone. "I'm going to text myself," he smirked, walking down the hall towards his bedroom as I reached out to obtain my phone. I was fully aware of what he was doing, but I didn't try and stop him. Suddenly, we were in his shared room and Xavier shut the door behind him.
Text to Xavier DiSabato: omg ur so cute
Text from Xavier DiSabato: ur so drunk
"You know, cause you'd only say that if you were drunk," Xavier smirked and tilted his head accusingly.
I don't remember what all was said after that but I remember him asking if he could kiss me and soon our lips were making contact. We began kissing, just standing there by the door, the world rushing away.
 
"Clunk!" Suddenly the door burst open and big Andrew was standing next to us. "Dude, what are you doing?" Xavier and I instantly pulled apart and I looked away in embarrassment.
"It's my room!" Andrew laughed, "I didn't know this would be going on!" Xavier chuckled and nudged him goodbye, followed by re-shutting the door and locking it.
"Let's pretend that that didn't just happen. Let's go back to when I asked if I could kiss you...'Can I kiss you?'"
I smiled and leaned forward, embracing him in a lip lock once again which lasted for a few moments longer.
We broke apart and headed towards his bed, sitting down on the edge as I babbled nervously about this and that, gazing around his room as if it were my first time seeing it.
He brought up again how I'm hard to read, and in a moment of complete vulnerability, I exposed the fact that I am still so shy despite my confidence rebirth since leaving high school.
We talked for a few minutes longer before we began kissing once again.
He played with my shoe strings, laughing just as he did at the movies about the crazy amount of times I knot them. He then began untying them, insisting I "take my jacket and shoes off and stay a while." To which I hesitantly agreed---to the shoes.
We began making out on the bed and before long Xavier asked me if I wanted him to take me back to Morrill or if I was going to stay. I sat, thinking about what decision to make, again falling into the indecisive Alyssa that he had probably become accostomed to.
"You and I both know what I want you to do. But I want you to make your own decision."
I smiled, "It's not that I don't want to stay. I just want to make the right decision."
Before long, I had made up my mind without actually coming outright with it. We were kissing and he interrupted briefly to ask again if I was staying, to which I responded, "Isn't it obvious?"
With gentle, clever coaxing, my leather jacket was off in no time and we we were curled under his blankets with our bodies locked together in a heated embrace. The making out began and soon things were more physical than they had been the previous weekend.
His hand gently traced up and down my stomach while his lips breezed from everywhere from my lips to my neck to my ears and just above my chest. Tongue was a key player in our kissing and another noticable change was the way in which Xavier insisted on giving me eskimo kisses.
He continually asked if I was okay, as per usual. "Do you think you're forcing yourself on me?" I asked, "Or are you just trying to be nice?"
"Well, I care."
"Well, I'm glad," I could feel myself smiling.
There were moments when we broke apart and said something briefly. As I responded, his lips would interrupt me and I couldn't help but swoon and think of Taylor Swift's lyrics, "when you kissed me when I was in the middle of saying something..."
At one point Xavier asked again, his usual, "Are you okay?" I tried to nod underneath his embrace.
"Kiss me once for no, kiss me with a lot of tongue for yes," he said with charm and ease as I delved into a french kiss.
Of course there were awkward moments, moments that could have gone smoother and moments that just plain make me laugh thinking about them. But isn't that how it's supposed to be?

College Story #7: "My First Kiss Went a Little Like This"
 
10/19/12
 
There he was. Our eyes met and he smiled as I made my way towards the table he sitting at. He immediately got up from his seat and we said our hellos as we raced down high street towards Cuzzins, the local frozen yogurt venue. My mind was swirling, having had too much time to think about this current "thing" that was going on between us since the previous night. I was much too concentrated on what I was saying that I said stupid stuff out of nervousness...of course. Once as we were walking, our hands bumped into one another and his hand rested on mine. Surprised, I pulled away and spouted exactly what was going through my head, "What?" AWKWARD. Xavier's reaction? "What?" I quickly started talking about something else, eager for the awkwardness to pass, secretly dying inside. WHY WHY WHY???
 
We arrived at Cuzzins, and then made our way back to the university union for a place to sit and chat. Our conversation was nice, reminiscent of the one at Chipotle, although it still contained an air of uncomfortability probably thanks to my complete lack of control over my mind and mouth.
When we reached the movie theater, we were there super early but we made our way in anyways. I excused myself to the bathroom, literally ready to kick myself for being such a noob. "You are so middle school right now", I couldn't help but laugh. "Pull it together, Alyssa. Pull it together." I literally was ranting out loud, banking on the fact that the bathroom was as empty as it appeared.
 
I made my way out of the restroom, and smiled as I walked around the corner to where Xavier was waiting. He opened the theater door and I walked ahead of him and up the aisle of the dark room. I halted as I saw a random movie playing on the big screen and glanced around to find the theater seats packed with people. I rushed back down the aisle and out the door. Xavier was laughing hysterically as I conveyed a look of sheer embarassment followed by a little of my own laughter. "Let's just go catch the end of whatever they're showing," Xavier gently pulled my arm back towards the door. I reluctantly followed and began my ascent up the stairs, scanning the darkness for two seats.
Nothing. Notta. Ziltch. Except one seat in the far right corner that stared me in the face.
"That one," Xavier nudged me up the steps and into the seat. The girls nearby gave bewildered glares as he crouched on the floor by my new seat. "Long story," he smirked at them, easing the girls instantly.
 
We sat there for about 15-20 minutes as the movie finished up, the ending portraying a kiss between two teenagers. How original. When the screen finally faded to black and everyone got up to leave, we burst out laughing, finding the fun in getting a short snippet of another movie.
 
They rest of the time spent before our movie started about 30 minutes later, entailed talking and cracking each other up about countless topics. It was then that I no longer felt awkward or uncomfortable, and it was truly one of the best parts of the entire night.
 
During the movie I was constantly thinking about two things:
1. the actual movie
2. the physical contact we were sharing.
Knees touching, hands resting on one another, faces close...how can could I even attempt to find PA4 all that scary (despite the fact that it wasn't anyways)? My favorite part? When his fingers traced the top of my hand in the most soothing of natures. We were both curled up tightly in our seats, "comforting" each other from a movie that probably would not come close to provoking nightmares.
 
We left the movie with his hand gently reaching for mine as we went down the escalators. This time, I let it be, trying my hand at maintaining my cool. My palms began to sweat instantaneously and I eventually pulled away, upset that I had to be such a mess. But eventually his hand made its way into mine again and I tried to push aside my fears.
****
The cool, fall breeze smacked my face as we crossed the street and walked hand in hand to one of the paths leading to the middle of the oval. The brisk air helped numb the intense tingling sensations resulting from the physical contact I was currently enduring. That, and the fact that it was 2 AM on a Friday night. My head was overwhelmed with a flurry of thoughts but there was no way I was prepared for what was coming my way next.
 
We chatted animatedly while continuing down the path, and when we finally reached the middle across from the giant statue, Xavier ceased walking, halting me to an abrupt stop. My mind was miles away until he uttered the words I will never forget, "Have you ever had a first kiss in the middle of the oval?" My stomach lurched as I processed the words which had just flowed from his mouth.
 
I immediately turned away, giggling and letting out an, "oh my gosh." Apparently I was having a difficult time keeping my thoughts inside my head tonight. Xavier pulled me back around and before I had time to think twice about it, I forced myself towards him. In no time his lips were pressed against mine and I remember thinking, "try to take it all in; you'll never get this moment back!" I let it linger for a few solid seconds before pulling away, embarrassed because I had no idea what I was doing. I leaned in, this time for a gentle hug, my way of showing my sincere appreciation.
 
"Sorry if I approached that awkwardly," were Xavier's next words, much to my dismay.
Dear Lord, he probably sensed how uncomfortable I felt! And probably thought I had no idea how to kiss...to which he'd be correct!
I laughed, "No, it was nice...slightly awkward, but nice." I smiled but was secretly reeling inside. We joined hands again and started walking down the path back towards my dorm, which he insisted walking me to whole way to.
 
His words were more rushed together now, to which I took as a good sign and we made our trek through the roaring wind and rain which spit hastily from the dark sky above us. My head was in an entirely new place now, reeling from the kiss...MY FIRST KISS and wondering how on earth he had been able to sneak attack me so well. I had no idea that this was where the evening would lead, but I couldn't of been happier that it had, awkwardness and all. You only have your first kiss once and having waited a long 19 years, I was glad the time had finally come.

College Story #6: "Holy Chipotle"
 
10/18/12
 
Holy mother of God was the only thought that came to mind when I saw the line outside of Chipotle on High Street. I walked up to the end of the line and not but two minutes later, Xavier arrived beside me.
This was now only my third time being with him in person, but only our second "date" per say.
 
It was Thursday night, and I was trying desperately to make our dinner plans actually turn out despite our previous attempt on Wednesday. I had a meeting until 6:30 to which I then rushed back to the dorm and changed for Chipotle. For some reason I felt a lot less nervous than I had for our dinner/concert date and I couldn't determine why exactly that was. Little did I know the night was about to be a whole lot weirder than I could ever predict.
 
As we waited in line chatting, I noticed a girl I graduated with in high school way up ahead in line. I pointed her out to Xavier and we embarked on a conversation about those awkward times when you don't know whether to say hi or not.
 
When we finally got our food, (after waiting for a solid 15 minutes), we made our way to the back of the restaurant where more seating is located. As we sat, I realized the girl from HS (Patty) was sitting directly at the table behind us with her younger brother, Mikey. I politely excused myself from Xavier and made my way over to Patty, unwilling to just sit there and ignore her presence. We chatted for a few minutes and I realized that not only was her brother with her, but Matt, the brother of my brother's best friend was also there. (He goes to school at a different college and was likely just visiting his brother Josh and Mikey).
 
Oh great, I instantly thought. Matt will probably go and tell my brother that he saw me here with a guy. Gosh darn it, what are the chances? I decided to shrug it off and came to the conclusion that he actually probably wouldn't do that and that I was probably being irrational.
 
I went back to the table to sit with Xavier and we engaged back into conversation which seemingly flowed easily between us, much to my delight.
 
Before long, I noticed Patty and them leave but soon a familiar ginger and another dude sat in there place. I scanned the red-head's face for a name, knowing that I knew him from somewhere.
Finally, it came to me. It was the best friend of Dima, the Russian dude that lived on my floor last year and had had a major crush on me at the beginning of the year.
Oh dear God, please don't let Dima be here! I laughed to myself as I recalled how Valerie and I had literally just been talking about how glad we were that we hadn't run into him yet this year. How ironic would that have been? I smirked at the thought and went about my conversation with Xavier.
 
Deep into whatever topic we were on, I was totally taken aback when I heard the familiar voice of someone saying, "Alyssa!"
 
Oh. My. Sweet Baby Jesus.
 
And just like that, I glanced up and locked eyes with the guy we once all had sworn was a flaming homosexual.
 
Inside I was freaking, but I attempted to maintain my cool with a fake smile and a high-pitched, "Oh heyyy, Dima." I kept it together as we talked briefly and almost melted in a hot pot of awk sauce as Dima waved hello to Xavier who had turned around when I first said hello.
 
When Dima finally went back to eating, I laughed out loud. Unable to control how awkward I felt, I relinquished the briefer version of the Dima story to Xavier, also explaning the irony that he was even here considering me and Valerie had just been discussing him earlier that day.
 
At this point, I was like, "Who else do ya wanna throw at me universe?" And sure enough, as we were leaving my current RA was getting her food to-go and unbeknowest to me, was following behind us as we left.
 
"You are just miss popular," Xavier teased, as we walked down the street.
I laughed, "Ya know." --Being basically the only response I could muster.
 
Lesson learned: Never go to Chipotle if you don't wanna run into people you know. (Especially your annoying RA, your brother's best friend's brother, and the guy who had a major crush on you the previous year.) ;)

College Story #5: "A Night on the Oval"
 
10/4/12
 
My heart skipped a beat as I crossed paths with a blond couple walking along the side of the leave-strewn oval. Oh lord, I was almost there. My new iPhone dinged with a new text in response to the one I had just sent. As I reached the edge of the oval, I stopped, glancing around for the face I was looking for. About to send out another text, my eyes landed on a guy who was sitting down on the "whispering wall," an OSU landmark located by the Wexner Center for the Arts. From there I could see a familiar face, whose eyes shifted from the green of the oval to his phone and somehow I knew it was him. I walked towards the road in order to cross the street, my heart beating rapidly in my chest as my phone dinged once again. "Faded red shirt and blue shorts. By the crooked wall," the message read. My breath caught as I approached the cement wall, willing a geniune smile as he suddenly recognized my face. "It's called the 'whispering wall' actually," I teased, in an attempt to break the ice. Xavier smirked and I felt his eyes sweep over me for the first time since the party where we had met. We walked side by side, my nerves quickly subsiding as we engaged in casual conversation that often referenced what we'd discussed in our text conversations. We crossed street after street, but I had no idea where we were going because I was too caught up in making sure the conversation continued to flow. Xavier stopped walking at one point and I stumbled up in front of him, stopping because I had no idea which direction to take to his apartment. He reached his arms out and gently placed them on my arms, leaning me to the left in a moment that I chose to take more sweet than awkward.
 
Before long, we reached his apartment. The heat from the kitchen engulfed us as soon as we stepped inside. I laughed as I joked about my hair growing from the insta-humidity. Xavier chuckled as he yelled for his roommate, Andrew to open the window. "It was funny," Xavier started to say as he made his way to the stove, "Kyle was cooking for his girlfriend earlier, so we were both cooking. All we needed were some aprons." I smiled, "I'm sure that was adorable." I stood off to the side, slightly awkwardly, while taking in the surroundings that were Xavier's apartment. I glanced at the collection of alcoholic beverages that lined a wall beside the dining room table, took a peek at the brick wall that was at the end of the room leading into the living room, and couldn't help but smile at the endless collection of random coupons resting on the countertop. "Would you like to try some wine?" Xavier held up a bottle of a light red wine. I laughed, "Uh, nahhh." With a bit of gentle coaxing, it wasn't long before I was taking a sip from the classy red mug he had poured from himself. I could taste the bitter alcohol immediately, reaffirming my dislike for alcohol. Xavier was quite devoted to wine, once telling me that he had been drinking far too much since he turned 21 in August.
 
Next I tried the famous apple cider I had been hearing about, the cider Xavier and his friends made every year from scratch. Now that was delicious. Soon we were sitting down at the table to eat the baked ziti Xavier had made. We made small talk once again and I quickly finished my small portion. "Sorry, I don't mean to be texting," Xavier pointed to his phone, "I'm just letting Brian know where were at." He referred to his one good friend who's house we would be stopping by next. I smiled, "It's fine!" I felt awkward because I had never had anyone apologize for texting in front of me, it was a really nice gesture.
 
After sitting on the couch in the living room for a few minutes watching Jersey Shore with Andrew, we left for Brian's. Once there, Xavier introduced me to Catherine (Brian's girlfriend) and another friend of his. Brian came rushing in not long after with cans of Budweiser in tow, offering one to each of us. I respectfully declined, again feeling somewhat awkward as the only one not drinking but not feeling forced in the least.
 
We sat together in their living room, talking about the coming weekend. Catherine and another friend of theirs were having a huge birthday bash the next night and Catherine laughed about how she would probably show up blacked out at her own party. "Are you coming?" She asked me. Awkward yet again. "Um, no I can't. I have another party I'm supposed to go to with my friends. I can't ditch them." I had already relayed this to Xavier when he had originally asked me to go.
 
He playfully yanked on my hair tie as we sat and Catherine continued to talk about the next evening's events. "Xave, are you drinking much tonight?" She asked, gulping down a long swig of Budweiser. "Nah," Xavier side glanced at me, probably taking in my reaction. "Well you better go hard for my party tomorrow!" Catherine giggled, reaching for the tv remote.
 
Minutes later we were upstairs where a few others were located, jamming to a combination of rap songs and dubstep. Xavier's leg was pressed tightly against mine on the fouton couch in the darkness as he leaned in to talk to me. I felt a mixture of feelings; ones that conveyed a sense of uncomfortability but at the same time I felt at peace with the situation, satisfied that I had made the right decision to come.
 
Later we sat in the attic where Brian's bedroom was after Mike, another roommate of Xavier's arrived. The others in the room included Catherine, and two other guys. They passed around a bottle of coconut vodka and took a few shots. I couldn't help but notice Xavier's lack of participation, making me believe he purposefully was drinking less than normal.
Xavier was on his phone and started to tell me his mom was texting him. Not long after, he received a call from his little brother, Luca who is 8 years old. He was apparently so excited because he had been given the same number for soccer that Xavier had had in high school. I watched as Xavier talked so sweetly to his little brother and glanced at me, smiling practically every other word. I couldn't help but think how precious the whole thing was.
Finally, we left for the concert that was being held in the oval. The band OAR, was performing a special show for OSU students..for free! We walked down High street with his bundle of friends who were mostly all at least slightly intoxicated. We burst into laughter as Brian broke out into the Gangam Style dance as a nearby bar blasted the song from its speakers. At some point we got seperated from the others, and it was just me, Mike, and Xavier. When we reached the oval, we wove through the crowd, aiming to get as close to the front as possible. Xavier rested his hands on my shoulders or the small of my back as I lead the way. Soon the concert began sometime after 9:30 and everyone around us got crazy. Some more of Xavier's friends somehow showed up and the one lifted Xavier on his shoulders, shouting, "World's tallest doctor!" I couldn't help but laugh and be amused by his drunken friend who consistently pushed us together the entire night. While jamming to OAR, Xavier persistently leaned in to ask me if I was still okay, geuinely caring about whether I was having fun or not. Unfortunately, I admit to not being as exuberant as I could have been but I was outside my comfort zone to begin with, so it's my natural instinct to be more reserved in such a situation.
 
Sometimes throughout, Xavier would rest his hands on my arms and move them slightly up and down as he checked in with me above the roaring music. At one point, his hands moved down to my wrist and naturally I reached out for his hand and clutched it. It was a moment that stands out in my mind because it was a physical connection that had tied emotions behind it. I hoped that my hand squeeze was reassuring to him that I truly was enjoying to my time with him. It lasted for a few long seconds before I finally drew apart, worried that my nerves would suddenly hit me and my palms would begin to sweat.
 
When the concert finally came to a close, Xavier and I, who were now completely separated from his friends, escaped the crowd and started to head back towards my dorm building. I felt bad, I knew he had to walk a long distance anyways and walking to my dorm was way out of the way. But he insisted, and began making our way back in the suddenly cool air that surrounded us. Once we reached my dorm, I thanked him for inviting me and told him that I had a lot of fun. I reached out for a hug, instantly embraced by his warm body. When we finally parted, I waved good-bye wondering what was in store next. I felt like maybe I had not done enough to make him realize I did have a good time and appreciated him making me dinner. So I texted him not long after, telling him to let me know when he made it back and that I did have a really good time. About a half hour later he responded saying he was safe and that he was glad I had a good time and that he did too. I smiled as I went to sleep that night, not sure where this was going but glad that I had taken the risk.

Dear Someone I Used to Be Closed To,
 
I wish sometimes that we were still best friends. That we were so close that we should have been sisters instead of cousins.
 
I wish that you were still the person you used to be. The little girl full of laughter and smiles. The cousin who I wanted to spend my time with. My favorite playmate. The girl who I couldn't be separated from.
 
I wish sometimes that I could still tell you everything. That we could talk like we used to. That we could laugh and smile together like when we were little kids.
 
I wish you could be the girl that stands next to me at my wedding, holding my bouquet. I wish you could be the girlfriend I gab with on the phone no matter where our lives lead us. I wish you could go back to be that sister I never had.
 
I wish that you would be the girl I so longed you to be: a best friend for life.
 
xox
-A

This week contains the last few days I have of spring break and then Sunday it's back to Ohio State until June. Oddly, the weather has been in the upper 70's during my entire time at home which is NOT typical for March in Northeast Ohio! Usually it's still snowing!
 
This break has been very relaxing and a nice breather from the stress of schoolwork and exams that OSU consumes me with. I've really taken the time to think and appreciate all the beauty that surrounds me whether that be the beautiful woods and vast field behind and in front of my house respectively, or enjoying the beauty that emanates from the bonds of friendship and family. There is nothing I enjoy more than hanging out with my friends and family on beautiful summer-like spring days.
 

--P.S- I just bought that scarf and earrings today from Forever21. =)

College Story #4: "Taste the Rainbow"
 
I burst into laughter as I eyed the bottle of Vodka staring down at me from the top of Valerie's desk shelf, "Never thought I'd see a bottle of that sitting there." I snickered some more as I pointed in the direction of Tina's desk, refrencing that the bottle more realistically belonged to our resident party girl.
It was "Beat Michigan" week, the infamous week before the the annual Ohio State vs. Michigan football game. Many traditions surround this long time rivalry and at Ohio State, those traditions are taken seriously.
One of the traditions Ohio State students engage in is the "Mirror Lake Jump." Every year students jump into the on-campus lake on the Thursday night prior to the football game. It's kind of a big deal.
I had been leary as to whether or not to particpate but I was ultimately persuaded to by my roommates.
 
So how does the vodka relate to the jump? Earlier that week, another girl (Lauren) from our floor was hanging out in our common room. She suggested that we all make "skittles vodka" to drink after the jump on Thursday. She preceded to order a bottle of vodka from a nearby liquor store that apparently sells alcohol to underage students all the time.
A few of the girls went to "the moat" (the bottom of our dorm has a circular drive-way where pizza drop offs, etc.) They took the bottle back up in a backpack and hurried back inside the room, fearful of the possibility that our RA was lurking close by.
The next night we made the skittles vodka which became known as "rainbow vodka."
When Thursday night finally arrived, the real fun began. We had made t-shirts the night before with "Fack Michigan" written in permanent marker and our suite donned them as we headed out in a big group to Mirror Lake.
 
The water was frigid and I immediately jumped back out as soon as I had made contact with the icy liquid. We all stayed for a while, participating in several chants and cheering along with the huge crowd that surrounded the lake. All around us wasted people shouted, "F*** Michigan!," girls giggled as the held hands jumping into the freezing water, and boys chanted "Urban Meyer" excitedly. It was one experience I will never forget. I'm so glad I went and participated in one of OSU's most fun and sacred traditions!
When we all arrived back, our RA had hot chocolate and cookies waiting for our entire floor. We showered and got into comfy clothes and the hyped up atmosphere eventually subsided--hey, some of us still has class the next day!
That's when the rainbow vodka made its appearance. With the door completely closed and our Asians snuggled in their beds, my roommates sat in a circle on the floor. Tina taught them a drinking game and before long they were taking sip after sip, passing the various colors to one another. "Taste the rainbow!" They cried, clinking shot glasses. I instead, sat on the couch watching, not really feeling compelled to engage in this activity. But it was entertaining to watch as they drained the rainbow vodka and began to drink straight from the bottle.
Before long, they got tipsy and Valerie's friend was totally smashed off her butt. I recorded a video of Olivia and Tina dancing, snickering at their expense. I couldn't help but smile-- they were all pretty amusing. And I was glad they were responsible enough to safely drink after the jump--even Tina! And I was happy to know these fun-loving goobers I call my roommates but more specifically, my friends.
But I also smiled for another reason-having another awesome memory from college, one that would surely last a lifetime.

A collection of personal stories about my freshman and sophomore years at college.